what goes up…

As hard as it is to write this, I wanted to share an update.

Last Saturday I got the best news of my life. Several tests later, I was on top of the world, and convinced nothing could go wrong. I made my skeptical husband believe we were officially pregnant, and everything was great. I went in for my beta on Tuesday, and got the result of 102. I was 14dp3dt, so 17dpo technically. I immediately got a pit in my stomach, and tried to reassure myself it was fine. I had to wait 3 days until my next test, but as the days went on I knew something was wrong. The few symptoms I did have slowly disappeared. I felt normal. I knew in my heart my embryo stopped growing. Friday was a long day of waiting. I went for the test at 8am and didn’t get a call until 3pm. The nurses voice was dreary and sad. She said my number dropped to 89. As much as I anticipated this happening, I could barely hold back my tears. How could I have gotten this far, just to have it snatched away as fast as it happened? I have never had a positive test. I have never come this far. I was already planning the ways to tell people and I had my first ultra sound booked. I couldn’t decide if I would have just preferred a BFN instead. Save myself and my husband the torture of losing the pregnancy. The only light at the end of the tunnel was that I achieved pregnancy. After 5 IUI I never had a hint of a line. IVF did work, just not the way I had hoped. I try to forget what is happening and act like it just didn’t work. I never thought I would experience a pregnancy loss, and no matter how far along you are, it’s the most bitter pill to swallow.

5 thoughts on “what goes up…

  1. Jane says:

    I’m so sorry, but you’re right – getting pregnant at all is a great sign, and something like 85% of people going through ivf have a successful pregnancy with 2 tries. You’ll get there really soon xx


  2. Recurrentlyhopeful says:

    I’m sorry to hear this. I know just how hard it is to lose a pregnancy and you are right – it doesn’t matter how far along you are, it’s is still so hard. The positive thing is that you did fall pregnant! Now you just need a sticky one 🙂


  3. Lisa Kimberly says:

    Bri, my heart goes out to you! But you made a great point too, that you achieved pregnancy. And it will happen again for you. My thoughts are with you. Please keep blogging and sharing your thoughts with us. We are here for you.


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