The verdict is in

According to my nurse yesterday “I’m definitely pregnant.” I am currently experiencing beta hell. I cannot help but be wary. Cautiously optimistic. Worried. I worried throughout this whole cycle, so why should pregnancy be any different?? 

  

I was so excited and optimistic until the blood test. I don’t know if I expected a bigger number or if I’m just scared for the second number, but I can’t let myself just be…happy! I did start reading a pregnancy book and have exceeded the max of pregnancy apps on my phone, but it just doesn’t feel real yet. I’m doomed to constant second guessing. Beta #2 is Friday, I will be a ball of nerves until the results. 

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Staring down the barrel of a shot gun…

So friends, today marks 8dp3dt. For those not fluent in infertility that means I am 8 days past a 3 day embryo transfer. All that is on my mind is my beta(blood test which tests for pregnancy). I am trying to keep a strong mind and positive attitude but let’s face it, it’s hard. I can only think about the message I will be listening to next Tuesday from the nurse. That message determines my future, as well as my emotional state afterwards. I am preparing for negative and positive. If it’s negative, I’ll probably¬†definately cry. If it’s positive I don’t even know if I will believe it, and then I’ll cry. So either way it looks like I should have a box of Kleenex by my side.

We have already decided to do another fresh cycle of IVF right away. Crazy as that may seem, I don’t think I could wait. In my opinion, we gave this cycle our all¬†but we can do better. There are other protocols. We could get embryos, maybe better quality, and maybe we could do a Day 5 transfer instead. I read somewhere a couple of months ago that the average tries to success of IVF per couple is 2-3. I laughed when I read that before and thought that there was no way, but after what I learned this cycle and what we had to go through, I get it.

Also, I want to take a test so bad it’s taking everything in my core not to pull one out. My nurse stressed to me yesterday to NOT take one. It doesn’t help that I have 10 cheapies sitting in my closet right now.

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